The Ethics of Politeness

I am a very direct individual--I have a strong belief in efficiency and utility. Aesthetics is nice, but art is all the more beautiful when it actually DOES something. For example, diamonds are nice, but they are much more useful on a drill bit or industrial saw than on your finger (but I guess that depends on which husband you ask!).

But what about concepts? Social etiquette? To me politeness is a great way to avoid the acts of aggression and intimidation that are ingrained in our minds from primal instinct. Staring is an act of aggression, a challenge of sorts. So is standing taller, speaking louder, etc. But where do we draw the line between polite and fake?

I am an extrovert. I like to talk to people, to hear opinions and see why and how people think what they do. So when someone asks me how I am out of politeness and not interest, it bothers me; when you ask, I actually do want to tell you. And I know if I do, chances are your eyes will glaze over and you will check your watch to see when you might have to ask me to shut up. When I ask someone how they are, I don't just want an answer, I want a REAL answer. I actually care about how people feel, and when I ask I've realized that people generally lie and say "Just fine!" when in reality something catastrophic might have just changed their lives forever only hours before. Are we supposed to fake happiness so that others don't pity? Fake our fears and our dreams so that others don't laugh, or worse, tease? I don't feel it's polite to ask if you honestly don't care. I am more than happy to say "Hello!" with a giant smile because I am honestly happy to see that person. I wouldn't bother if I didn't care, but I'm not going to sulk and brood if I'm not feeling well either; silence is golden, but so are sincere smiles!